The Return Of Tallow
McDonald’s has brought their kickass fried apple pies back for a limited time! Being a child of the ‘70s, the only way this could’ve made me happier is both an announcement of permanency to this thing and, of course, the inclusion of the deep-fried cherry pies also on the menu, then. Are they being fried in beef tallow? It would be the trifecta of perfection if so, but I’m not sure as I type this. I mean, if my two former wishes for these bastards were realized. Hang on.
The answer is a bone-shaking “YES!” Yes, they are being deep-fried in tallow.
I will never not shake my head at McDonald’s decision to give up both deep-frying anything they had to deep fry in beef tallow, nor at the one to not fry the pies in anything but, rather, bake the fuckers – both choices in some weird-ass, misguided attempt to make their fare “healthier”. Because, you know, McDonald’s is where the world flocks to trim up. There are people and will likely always be who’d lean on companies like it for healthier choices, but get the fuck real, could ya? If you’re looking for a salad, go to a gaddamned salad bar. Although I did like the Eighties-era McDonald’s salads. I’d have one and a Big Mac on the side. Know what else I miss from the pre-health-conscious days? “Super-Sizing” anything I could. I’m told that, in Germany, they call the huge-sized offering on a menu, “‘American’-size”. I love that for us – especially being an American-sized man, myself.
Sigh. It’s been a long, long minute since I last had a proper McDonald’s pie. Once, it was a treat. Not so much so, anymore. At least, until now. I really do hope the corporate pinheads under the Golden Arches elect to keep these bad boys around for awhile. Hopefully ‘til I’ve had a chance to shove a few into my headhole. Then, maybe, they can move on to reconsider the not frying potatoes in the beef tallow thing. They really had something with that version.
“If they made their fries in beef tallow, I wouldn’t be able to have ‘em because I’m a vegan.”
Seriously, though; McDonald’s isn’t where you should be dining for vegan-friendly meals. Quit fucking up my life with your choices. That’s my job. Now, pass the tallow.
